Humor via Email

Post Turtle:
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher, who's hand was caught
in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man...
Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his role as our president.
The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a 'Post Turtle''.
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him, what a 'post turtle' was.
The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and
you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.
The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.'
"You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there,
he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond
his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb XXX
put him up there to begin with."
**********
News Flash:
President Obama has just confirmed that the D.C. earthquake occurred on a rare and obscure fault-line, apparently known as "Bush's Fault".
Obama also announced that the Secret Service and Maxine Waters continues an investigation of the quake's suspicious ties to the Tea Party.
Conservatives, however, have proven that it was caused by the founding fathers rolling over in their graves.
**********
Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office  one day and said, "Harry, I have a plan to win back Middle America in  2012!"
"Great Nancy , but how?” asked Harry.
"Well,  we'll get some real cheesy clothes and shoes, like most Middle Class  Americans wear, then stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador  Retriever. Then, we'll go to a nice old country bar in Montana and  show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working  people living there, you know, “clinging to their guns and bibles and  such".
And so they did. They found just the place they were  looking for in Ennis, Montana .
With the dog in tow, they  walked inside and stepped up to the bar. The Bartender took a step  back and said, "Hey! Aren't you Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi?" "Yes we  are!" said Nancy , "And what a lovely town you have here. We were  passing through and Harry suggested we stop and take in some local  color."
They ordered a round of bourbon for the whole bar, and  started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.
A few  minutes later, a grizzled old rancher came in, walked up to the   Labrador , lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his  shoulders and walked out. A few moments later, in came another old  rancher. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked  underneath, scratched his head and left the bar. For the next hour,  another dozen ranchers came in, lifted the dog's tail and left shaking  their heads.
 Finally,   Nancy asked the bartender, "Why did all those old ranchers come in  and look under the dog's tail? Is it some sort of custom?"
"Lord  no," said the bartender. "Someone's out there running around town, claiming there's a Labrador Retriever in here with two assholes!"

H/T: BJF