Monday, April 9, 2012

My Solace

Yesterday, my better half, KX posted about my finding solace in cleaning my pistol and admittedly nothing could be more true for me, especially on a holiday and I find myself moving to that place of melancholy where past meets present and I fondly remember, but still grieve for, family members who are no longer with me or children who are grown  up and living their own lives as children are destined to do.

Yesterday, was of course one of those days where as I cleaned my house and folded laundry, I would recall Easters past.  Remembering so many Easters with my whole family over to watch me hunt eggs and have barbecue.  One year I even got a pet bunny for Easter.

 As always time marches on and eventually, my aunts and uncles started having kids and our family grew, but the gatherings were still always at my mom and dad's house, as that's how daddy wanted it.  He was the glue, so to speak that held my mother's side of the family together.  Once he passed, we still had grandma to keep it together, but when she passed, we all scattered to the wind.

It saddens me a great deal because while we have our dysfuntion like any other family, we were close.  I grew up having no doubt whatsoever that I was loved and cherished, although I didn't always appreciate it, but hey...   the teen years are so trying.

As the day went on yesterday, I became more and more down so I decided that I needed to shift my focus on something that I love and enjoy so out came the gun cleaning kit along with the Hoppes #9 and Hoppes Gun Oil.

As I stripped Alexa (my pistol) down, I held each part of her in my hands and I would speak aloud to her, telling her how happy I have been with her performance.  How she is the perfect extension of my own hands, and when I fire her, she is an extention of me and yes, I did actually tell her what a good girl she is.

I know that some of you out there will think that I'm off my rocker, talking to inanimate objects, but really it's more for my benefit, than a belief that the gun will somehow respond to me or appreciate the fact that I'm cooing over her.

As I opened up the Hoppes #9, the scent of it was an instant calming and soothing trigger for me.  I associate that smell with helping dad clean the guns, or when dad taught me how to clean my rifle when I was a little girl.

I started by cleaning the slide using a q-tip soaked in Hoppes and making sure that I got every nook and cranny.  As I cleaned I found solace in an almost hypnotic way, my entire focus on just my gun and me.  The rest of the world just kind of drifted off as my fingers skillfully guided the q-tips, brushes and cleaning cloth over every bit of my weapon.

Once I finished, I placed oil on the slide and reassembled her, doing several dry runs to make sure the oil was neither too much, or too little.  As usual, my lovely Alexa slid beautifully and the trigger pulled perfectly.

I'm not sure if I explained to you guys why I named my pistol Alexa, but I chose Alexa because it means "protector of man".  I know that I have chosen my weapon wisely and I know that she will never let me down as long as I continue lovingly take care of her.

So having completed my task and as I returned Alexa to her holster, I felt a wave of calm rush over me and just as suddenly as it came on, my melancholy mood faded away.  It was a nice a Easter really, productive and quite beautiful.


  1. Thanks for this. Guess I needed to clean some guns yesterday...

    1. More than welcome Bluesun... I'm guessing you were feeling kind of down yesterday too? Yes, sometimes doing a task that requires focus and care helps with it.

      I hope that you're feeling better.. :)

    2. Okay a second reply... I just saw your last post. I'm sorry... :(

    3. Thanks again. Not the best Easter ever...

  2. I thought about how much I love cooking in Mom's Guardian cookware. And how much I wished I could tell Mom that. And got all weepy. Funny how the fragments of family can hit us.

  3. There is something very calming in taking care of the tools that protect us, those things that we use to make our life more rational.

    I'm glad you had a good Easter.


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