Thursday, April 11, 2013

Hey Kids! it's that time of year again!

Time for the semi-annual employee review!
In keeping with BAR corporate policy, nothing factual, also known as "negative" will be brought up in your review.  The fact that you are a living, breathing, semi-sentient being that shows up for work on time mostly on time when you want to, is a real plus in our eyes. [thumbs up]
 Also the fact that you are willing to work really long hours to get that sweet, sweet time and a half overtime pay to put random lines and words on paper with no thought whatsoever makes you really stand out among your peers.
Well Done! Keep up the Good Work!

In reality, I do have to do employee reviews before the turn of the month. I loath doing these.
When I'm king of the company, things will be different.
A piece of my soul erodes each time I have to scrape the inside corners of my mind with a fish fork to find something...anything positive to say.

I have a much, much different metric by which I deem an employee "good".
My partners assign a  "good" or "great" label to the aspiring licensees if they are willing to work ridiculous hours to churn meaningless drivel on to electronic "paper".

I deem them good if they've run up against a problem, researched the building code and the Americans with Disabilities Act [ making the world flat for you!], present an actual construct-able solution and have an answer for 90% of my challenges to their solution.  The last 10% they get as homework.
No margin for error. *

* Were you to do the risk versus reward assessment on my profession, the first question that would come up is, "why would anyone in their right mind do this?".



  1. Ah, I HATE doing corporate drivel. Period. Reviews are the worst.

    1. yeah me too. This is the review where the noobs have to write BS responses to a questionnaire.
      The bad part is I have to write BS evaluations on their responses.
      I had a trust fund baby a few years ago that was so bad, I couldn't write a civil evaluation.
      So I wrote what I really thought and handed it to one of my partners. After his eyebrows stopped going up and down, he said he'd handle that one.

  2. A phrase I slipped into 2 performance reviews (strangely those people were later transferred/terminated) is one of my favorites:

    I can not honestly say enough about his work ethic or abilities.

    1. hah! that is so covertly...evil.
      I love it.


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