I'm not pushing my luck tomorrow though. It's off to the nearby autozone first thing in the morning for a new alternator. A couple of hours of wrenching and it'll be as good as
Update: So as I noted in the comments, some testing pointed toward a bad battery. So off to autozone I go this morning to get a battery. The autozone guy squares up, puffs out his chest and grabs his battery tester. I'd already done this, but I'm like, ok whatever I'll humor the guy. Out to the van and pull the lever to pop the hood and...nothing. Hood does not pop. It sticks sometimes, but if you bang on it just right like the Fonz, it will pop loose. No pop this time. I swear I felt like I was trying to give cough medicine to a 2 year old, lips clamped shut.
Long story short, I got the hood open, cleaned up the latch and re-lubed it. I can hear the van in the driveway as I type, "No, no, no, no, no, no!"