Like many folks out there, I tend to get really melancholy around the holidays. Christmas is especially hard for me because at Christmas, I really miss my dad.
I remember Christmases past, I remember waking up to find that Santa had come and brought lots of toys, unable to understand why in the world my daddy was so tired on Christmas morning.
Yes, the little blonde in the pink dress is yours truly. My uncle (mom's brother) was sitting on the couch and my aunt (mom's sister) is in the blue jumpsuit and my mom is in the red pants. I was three in that picture I believe.
I remember the Christmases so long ago, when my family would come to the house and spend the day. Eventually, I had a brother and then some cousins and those family gatherings were fantastic and fun.
Like many families, we have all parted ways only to see each other every now and then. It seems that the family gatherings started dwindling after my father passed away, and pretty much ceased when my grandma passed away. I've come to realize that my dad and my maternal grandma were the glue that held us all together.
I tend to grieve for those times so long ago. My immediate family of course gets together but there's still that nagging loss. My mother's house, which was always home to me, no longer feels like home. She's remarried, and I'm glad for her because he makes her happy and I know that my dad would want her to be happy, but when I walk into her house, everything is different because they've remodeled. That sense of 'going home' is lost to me.
I guess that's what happens when we grow up. Today, the second eldest daughter, her boyfriend, the man-child, my brother, my mom and her husband all came over to spend the day. It was a very nice day and I had lots of laughs. There was no sadness and I was able to look around and see the blessings that I have in my life now.
Oh I still feel that tug at my heart because I will always miss my dad but I know that he is out there somewhere looking at me with a smile. I know that he's happy for me and I know exactly where I can go to feel close to him. Perhaps I can talk the hubby into going to the range with me tomorrow for some shooty healing.............
I remember Christmases past, I remember waking up to find that Santa had come and brought lots of toys, unable to understand why in the world my daddy was so tired on Christmas morning.
Yes, the little blonde in the pink dress is yours truly. My uncle (mom's brother) was sitting on the couch and my aunt (mom's sister) is in the blue jumpsuit and my mom is in the red pants. I was three in that picture I believe.
I remember the Christmases so long ago, when my family would come to the house and spend the day. Eventually, I had a brother and then some cousins and those family gatherings were fantastic and fun.
Like many families, we have all parted ways only to see each other every now and then. It seems that the family gatherings started dwindling after my father passed away, and pretty much ceased when my grandma passed away. I've come to realize that my dad and my maternal grandma were the glue that held us all together.
I tend to grieve for those times so long ago. My immediate family of course gets together but there's still that nagging loss. My mother's house, which was always home to me, no longer feels like home. She's remarried, and I'm glad for her because he makes her happy and I know that my dad would want her to be happy, but when I walk into her house, everything is different because they've remodeled. That sense of 'going home' is lost to me.
I guess that's what happens when we grow up. Today, the second eldest daughter, her boyfriend, the man-child, my brother, my mom and her husband all came over to spend the day. It was a very nice day and I had lots of laughs. There was no sadness and I was able to look around and see the blessings that I have in my life now.
Oh I still feel that tug at my heart because I will always miss my dad but I know that he is out there somewhere looking at me with a smile. I know that he's happy for me and I know exactly where I can go to feel close to him. Perhaps I can talk the hubby into going to the range with me tomorrow for some shooty healing.............
There are always one or two that are the 'glue' for the family ...the ones that motivate and orchestrate everyone getting together and staying connected. Maybe you're the glue for the next generation, SB.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think some serious shooty goodness is just what you need! I'm pretty sure you can talk hubby into it.
: )
We so look forward to growing up, not realizing what we are surrounded with. Mom and Dad are gone, the houses we gathered in are gone. Now my sister and I, both in our 50s, are trying to build new traditions for the family that's left, just as they are at the age when they'll be building their own families. There's a lot of times when I don't like being a grown up at all.
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