Wednesday, January 23, 2013

I've flown in really small planes before, but

I've never had the pilot of an Embraer RJ145 come on the PA and ask for a volunteer from rows 1 through 6 to move to the extreme back of the plane to "balance the load".

And then further informed us that, "we cannot back away from the gate and take off till someone does."

Many quizzical dog expressions were exchanged amongst the passengers.  I was not in rows 1 through 6, otherwise that little problem would have been solved inside of 10 seconds.

A young man, traveling alone stood up, grabbed his backpack and coat and headed aft to resounding applause.

We arrived at Bush Intercontinental airport and as we were taxiing off the runway, middle aged male flight attendant of undisclosed sexual orientation** announced that we'd had a last minute gate change to terminal A instead of terminal B, but our checked luggage would still be conveniently delivered to Terminal B.
As I disembarked I asked, "So the plane is at terminal A, and my bag is in the plane (purportedly), and I have to go to Terminal B to collect it?"
"Yes, thanks for flying United"

** If you rub your ass against my shoulder a third time, we may come to "words". Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, thrice is a pattern. I am not wired that way, FYI, and it does in fact push my buttons.
I am also not a homophobe, I offer my nephew, who came out a couple of years ago as my human credential.  I heard later that he was terrified of how uncle kx59 would react. As I was headed out the night of the big reveal, I gave him a hug, told him I knew and didn't care one way or the other. And I meant it.  And I still do.
Each to his own, but prancing down the street in ass-less black leather chaps in a gay rights parade is not helping your cause.
Just sayin'


  1. 1. Gaucho-jet 145 balance.
    I have been asked toooo many times to give up my much-needed bulkhead seat to "balance the plane".
    I usually try to hold out for some other sucker, sorry, 'volunteer' to take one for the team... If the flight is 2.5+ hours- scroo 'em. I'm not sitting in pretzel position for the duration... Let some young snot-nose backpack toting granola muncher get this one.

    2. I'm with you.
    I don't care about your orientation, just your character and your competence. As long as you aren't out actively trying to recruit me, I could give a FRA.
    This is the same feeling I have regarding most religions... Wanna piss me off and really alienate me? Make me the object of your proselytizing... Make my 'conversion' your long-term goal...
    You will find I know more ways to press your spiritual hot-buttons than your average agnostic, and I will take great delight in lighting you up like a pinball machine if you persist after the first warning...

  2. On the Sherpa we had to do that a number of times, like many smaller transports the majority of the cargo or baggage went in the rear cargo bin (and some of these regional jets just have the aft cargo). When there's little cargo or bags (and most people are carrying them on now to avoid fees) and you have more of the people sitting up front, you are going to be out of the weight and balance envelope forward. It will likely still take off, but you're a test pilot then if an engine quits. So you have to move folks.

  3. I had a similar experience except the plane was so small the pilot looked over his shoulder and ask the people in particular seats to trade.
    Except in this case it was a left/right side swap. Made me feel real comfortable knowing 80 pounds made such a difference.

    I also with you about the touching. I am an introvert who finds crowds uncomfortable. I find unwanted physical contact with people I don't know uncomfortable -- regardless of sex or orientation.

    What upsets me is the lack of respect for me as person.


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