Tuesday, July 24, 2012

What to do when a long time close friend seriously offends you?

Belle placed an order at Bulk Ammo a week or so ago.  Delivery was to my office.
The box arrived this morning and I went to the reception area to retrieve it.  Carrying it back to my desk, my part time IT guy asked if it was the UPS replacement battery. I said, "No, this is stuff that goes bang... about 500 rounds of surplus Russian ammo."
My associate sitting in the adjacent workstation, a very close friend of twenty + years said," got your movie tickets?"
He knew of the recent events in Aurora, CO. which is why he made the "joke".
I have not had that much anger well up in me in that kind of tidal surge ever I don't think.  It takes a lot to offend me, and I mean a lot.  But he managed to do it.
Part time IT guy got real quiet, close friend was looking at me and smiling. I gave close friend the dead fish eye, slowly flipped him off and turned to my computer.
It took a while to settle down.

 I think I broke the F and U keys on my keyboard.


  1. If I may add my two cents...

    Even though it was a joke that was in very poor taste and the situation behind his comment is horrendous he is a long time friend.

    We have come to a point were a lot of society is desensitized to the violence around us. We have 24 hour news cycles , movies, and shows that are pushing the envelope to get viewers.

    I can envision one of my close friends saying something very off color like that.

    Maybe chastising him for being a cold hearted bastard would have made you feel better?

    Anyway my 2 cents that is all :)

    1. Yes, absolutely you may. I appreciate the feedback.
      I've never looked at him like that in the past twenty years while giving him the finger. He got the point, with nothing said on my part.
      He might be a bit desensitized, being a Viet Nam Vet, but the thing that pissed me off was he put it on me. (he was a SeaBee Surveyor, did a short stint in Nam.)
      He and I are good. I'll get over it, but I'm still pissed off right now.
      K, I feel better now..a little.

  2. I cannot see any of my friends making that comment unless we were in a private setting. Even then not so much. Not at work. I have a very dry sense of humor and my friends get that.

    That was inappropriate in my opinion. He is a long time friend though. I can't help here except to say you might want to tell him it was in poor taste.

    More subtle here. I will never tell anyone at work it was ammo to begin with.

    1. Sage advice Keads.
      I think in the future, I will not disclose the contents of the box. I'm going to have to squelch my desire to push liberal buttons.
      Definitely and inappropriate comment on his part, but he's a bit of a loose cannon, which ironically is one of the things I like about him...more often than not.

  3. Sometimes people say thoughtless, stupid things. We're probably all guilty of it. But if the same sort of thing happens again I would make my opinion of it clear.

  4. The question is would you have been as pissed had it been someone other than part time IT guy or if it had been just the two of you?

    Is it the actual comment/joke or was it the company he said it in that really ticked you off.

    I have had co-workers say things in the presence of a resident regressive that pissed me off not cause of what they said but because it fit his view. Even though they were just trying to stick a quarter in him or me.

    1. Part time IT guy was the witness to the event not the commenter. But I think you are onto something there. The comment pissed me off, and I think even more so that there was a third party there.

  5. I would have been sorely pissed too, but I don't have any close friends of such length/duration.
    Let me (maybe) open another door - when you said that, maybe he flipped a bit and went off on random widget of dumbass free-association, a-la ProudHillbilly's point. Other point is, did he apologize yet?
    Thirdly, when I had (only once!) what was obviously ammo delivered to work (never again) the poor receptionist had googley-eyes and sweaty palms. I had to reassure her neither it nor I would just "go off" and removed it to my truck way-out in the parking lot.

    1. NC, you are on the money. I'm positive it was a free-association event. He, and I are both prone to such. (my good taste governor works most of the time)
      There's been no apology. I think he believes I flipped him off in jest.
      And, I'm not expecting, nor holding out for an apology. If I couldn't get past a friend being a dickhead once in a while, I'd have no friends.


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