I trudged through security at Bush Intercontinental without being singled out as a religious and gun clinging terrorist. Boo! No opportunity to make a public spectacle of myself and post a million hit youtube video.
As I was gathering up my shoes, belt, laptop and briefcase, I was watching a woman and a man get the TSA "grope". The pat downs were more personal than I've seen before, but they were handled in what I would consider a professional manner. ( better than most cop pat down videos I've seen). Both the male and female pat downs took a long search up the inseam, but the palm never left the inside of the thigh. The female pat down proceeded to the bosom. This was done with the back of the hand, down the top side, then up the ribs to the underside. Four quick motions. The woman being searched was the exact profile of a terrorist..white, anglo saxon roughly 60 years of age, weighed perhaps 90 pounds in my estimation. Obviously a potentially dangerous individual. She was not a happy camper. I watched her walk away for 30 seconds or so, muttering to herself. I don't read lips well, but I'm pretty sure there were some expletives in her personal soliloquy.
Things went really well in Nashville the first day, and to top it off I had a really great burger and a few bottles of George Killian's Irish Red at Ted's Montana grill. The meeting the second day was deemed not necessary, so I caught an earlier flight and headed on home to the Hacienda de Campana.
I had a 6:05pm flight originally. After some voicemail tag with my travel agent, she rescheduled my flight.
At the Nashville airport, I make the death march through the security line. Strip the shoes, strip the belt, pull all the metally objects off my person and throw them into the briefcase. Que up the two bins and the briefcase to go through the x-ray. As I'm standing in line to go through the metal detector, the TSA "agent" motions the two folks in front of me, and myself to the side.
I'm thinking "Joy!", a TSA grope to blog about! I can see the page hits now!
They sent me through the porno x-ray scanner thing where I had to lift my hands above my head so my man boobs would shape up nicely for the perv behind the tube on the other end.
Belle and I talked about this when she got home from work this evening. In the course of that conversation, I commented "I bet the stainless steel surgical clamps from my vasectomy lit up like sparklers in that x-ray!"
(It is one of the few gifts God gave to men. We can find something to boast about in almost any situation)
Surprise, Surprise! They directed the geriatric Asian man in front of me off to the side for the TSA grope. I stepped out of the laser wash x-ray machine to look into the weary eyes of a TSA man.
His eyes implored me; " Please...kill me, kill me now!" He was squared up in front of me, blocking my path. What he actually said to me was; "You're free to go"
Free. To. Go.
I didn't even realize I'd been arrested.
And this is where the rubber really meets the road. The federal government is prohibited from this type of random search and seizure, and yet here we are. This is the part that Americans should really be peeved about.
In the grand scheme of things, this post trails far behind current events. I spent 20 years on a plane every other week, and for some extended periods on a plane every week working both the left coast, and the other left coast. In the past two years, this is the first flight I've taken. This would be due to Bush Jr., the democrat controlled legislature and Obummer. (Oh, I forgot the Fed). I have more flight delay, canceled flight and wigged out cab ride scar tissue than you can imagine (well perhaps except for TheBigGuy and BorePatch). I am not a noob at this.
Now that I've mentioned the TSA in a blog post, I'll probably be on the FBI watch list. Oh wait, I bought the "Anarchist's Cook Book" back in the '70's, I'm already on that list...